Friday, June 13, 2008
Friday the 13thTalk about an inauspicious day that lived up to its reputation. The day started with power outages and disastrous commutes here in the DC area... luckily, none affecting me personally... but it gave a rather apocalyptic tinge to the morning.
Once I arrived at work, I got to eagerly await the arrival of my mid-year review. I knew it was going to be rough because I have really REALLY struggled with this job. As I've already discussed,the big-law career path is not for me, and I've known this since the first month. So while I'm not surprised that I'm not being nominated for "associate of the year," I was a little shocked to hear just how far below expectations I've been performing. I have until Monday or Tuesday to come to a decision as to how I want to proceed... I think I'm going to have to take the "suck it up" option. Basically, I've been given a chance to prove myself over the next 3 months, at which point I'll have a second review, and things will go from there. Given that I was hoping to be able to quit after Thanksgiving, this hopefully will mean that I'll make it at least through September. I had a long discussion with the HR manager about all of the options, and she said that I would most likely get 3 months of severance pay if they did ask me to leave in September, and that they would work with me to allow me to "resign" instead of being fired, so that's something I guess!
Now my challenge is to honestly ask myself how I plan to make it through 3-5 more months at a job that I dislike and where I have a track record of disappointing the powers-that-be. I really hope that I can come up with a plan that will allow me to leave this job more on my own terms.
Tomorrow I turn 29 - somehow I didn't think I'd be celebrating my birthday with the news that I'm a failure at work. But before I send out the invites for my own personal pity-party, let me just say that there are some really amazing things going on in my life right now for which I am extremely grateful. Even with this job, I am so lucky to be in a place where they are even willing to give me another 3 months to try and improve, and where severance pay is on the table even when it is my own performance that is the problem.
And, even if I'm miserable for each day of it, I'm only looking at 23 more weeks of work (assuming they let me stick around that long!)
So ready for the weekend...
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